LATERS, BABY

I went to office today, log in into my system and whatever accounts I am using, then I saw this one post from Candy Magazine entitled "To My Ex-Someone - Mikay". I forced myself not to open it but I can't help it so I read it. Phrases goes like these and I quote:

"Because one day, everything just disappeared. No more "Hi." No more calls and messages. No more you. I tried to make contact, but all efforts were futile. Hundreds of messages were sent but no reply even to a single one. Bombarding your phone with calls just because I wanted to reach you became my new hobby. I just wanted to talk to you, I just wanted to ask why. I just wanted a goodbye."

"I know I shouldn't feel this way. Because from the start I knew what we were and what were not. I was happy with you, and now I'm incomplete. I got used to having you. And the sad truth is I should get used to you not being around anymore. Having no closure hurts a lot, but having regrets hurt even more."

 The letter felt sad. But it's true. This happens every day and it can happen to every people for whatever reason they have. And I think I am doing the same thing as well. Maybe we both decided to stop sending texts. Or maybe he was the first one to stop sending text and I gave up of waiting for his text as well? Or maybe I just decided I will not respond to any of his text (in case he send one) for now? I don't know. That's the perks of no closure or misunderstanding right?

I would like to apologize to the person whom I really admire the most. To the person I really liked to be with. To the person whom I felt connected to. To the person who inspire me in small things and through your view of the world. To the person who made me feel that ghost hugs matter (and that it is sweet). To the person I like from a different time zone, Mr. Lad from the Land Down Under.

I am sorry because I can't handle my personal issues right now. I am sorry that there are lots of days and nights where instead of talking about normal stuff, it would turn out (me) ranting of all my crap. I am sorry that I vent all my insecurities and worries and fears to you. I am sorry that my version of being crazy became a negative crazy me just because I can't get a grip of myself out of my own despair. I'm sorry that I need to leave.

Just in case that you are reading this, I hope that one day, we'll meet again. I hope that you'll miss me like I will miss you. I want you to know that I will get a hard time of trying to stop liking you. And I want you to know, if only you can be by my side while trying to help myself, I might be the happiest girl on earth alive.

I will just wander, roam around and let you enjoy life. We might cross one's path may it be as friends or may it be more, I will be happy to see you when that time arrive. 

So for now, not a goodbye, just "Laters, Baby."

BOOTY CALL FROM MR. FLIGHT ATTENDANT

I heard a lot of negative feedback from other members of Couchsurfing based on their experiences. It was all about someone taking advantage of the other person. Or harassment physically and sexually. Or being plainly abusive I can empathize with them and I always think it must feel really bad if I am on their shoes.

Until last night, I had a small talk with Mr. Flight Attendant from airline-that-he-didn't-mentioned. He sent me a message saying that he is in Dubai and on a layover. And that if I am free we can have some coffee out or hang out. I said we can do that and I can meet him for a few minutes and that I live in point X and that I have work until 10pm. He said that's so late and we can just grab something and drink something in HIS room and that I can stay there if I want to.

I said no and if he want to meet, we need to meet outside. All of a sudden, he went defensive. He said why can't you meet me at my room? Do you think I would like to have sex with you? (Sex or murder yes! It's a possibility duh!) I am still being kind to him and said, it's for safety and that I don't know him and I don't go into a guy's room especially when it's the first time to meet and to answer his question, no, it's not all about sex.

He said, maybe I should protect myself from you because I don't know you??!

WTF. He started it first. So I said, then why are you inviting girls inside your room? He's weird!

Anyway, I just said that I think I am not the perfect company which he's looking for (and I am still kind) and in case he want to meet, just let me know.

Can you imagine what he said in return?

"I found other one she's coming at 9pm"

It's not the end of the conversation, he said good luck for me in Couchsurfing and that he hope I find trustable (yeah he said that word, sorry for being a grammar/spelling nazi) person and that it's not his fault that other guys do something bad to girls. He said I can also check out his references from a lot of girls which he hosted in his house.

That moment I had enough. Let's talk about the way he handle bragging rights! I don't want to shame a person especially online but I posted this picture to show that I just want you to see how many friends and references that he had here but his account is not verified.

After my encounter with Mr. Flight Attendant, I realized that I should not depend on references and friends anymore. I am already disappointed of the stories of my friends let alone knowing a person who uses the site to satisfy his booty needs. Or I must say his dick. Clearly it is a booty call to me. If you think it is not a booty call then please elaborate it to me.

Couchsurfing is for people who's looking for fellow travelers and hosts or vice versa. It is not the same as Tinder (I believe the common purpose of Tinder is for booty call - or that's what I heard).

I haven't hosted yet but I am a proud member of Couchsurfing and that I am grateful to all the wonderful people I've met thru this. I will meet some more and will surf at others' couches and go to events. As a wishful thinking, I hope the negative/bad stories like these will soon come to an end. Happy traveling everyone!

SNIPPET OF AN OVER-THINKER'S MOMENT

I know I am a certified over-thinker. I think too much. When I am feeling down, I saw this as my weakest point of my personality, and when I am not feeling down, I just laugh at it.
 There are days, that I will read posts about traits of over thinkers, and here's one phrase that I liked. 

"We can’t let things go easily. We’re convinced that if we run over the details of a few more times, it will somehow change the outcome and we will uncover some new understanding of the situation." - 14 Things Only Over Thinkers Will Understand  

To give you an idea, I would like to share something about what happened just a few hours ago.

I was talking to Mr. Lad from the Land Down Under about his perception about himself (non-verbatim). I said trust me you're like this. And he said, trust you? You saw me and was that a request of something? I snap out all of a sudden because I was being honest and his question (about request of something) was a little out of the conversation and inappropriate for me. It is inappropriate because I am talking about my feelings! Can you believe it? I am being vulnerable my goodness! This is scary! Okay back to the topic.....

Anyway, so we exchanged lines and lines to smooth it out and he's telling me that it is just a joke. I am sorry that I didn't took it as a joke but I was hurt. I told him what I felt and said sorry. He said sorry too. But I can't forget the line: "Rochelle, it's just a joke".

The over thinker side of me was alive and kicking from the moment he said he gotta go. In my mind, I am trying to balance it with work concerns and his concern. I was thinking of what he's thinking. And here's a few thought I am thinking right now:

1) Shit. He might get turned off of me because I can't take a joke.
2) Maybe he will reach his limit when it comes to dealing with my shit! We just had a small dilemma yesterday and we ended up bad again today.
3) Will he talk to me tomorrow?
4) Is he mad? Upset?
5) It's my fault of not taking the joke right?
6) But I have my right to feel anything too right?  Like being hurt?
7) I cannot undo this stupidity anymore.
8) Is it possible that he doesn't like me anymore?
9) Are we going to talk about it some other time? Or are we just going to shrug it off?
10) Do all of these stuff sounds as DRAMA? Oh no. NO WAY! I AM DOOMED. IT'S THE END!!!!!!!!!!

*cries*
No I am not crying right now (fyi) but maybe later. Lol!

So, yeah, that's one hell of example of the thoughts of an over thinker. I am not sure if others feel the same way, but the last time I checked, others think like that as well. I cannot say I am proud to be one, but I can say that that trait makes me a unique person (purely in my opinion).

PMS, STRESS AND EVERYTHING NICE

After some months, my friend P and I got the chance to catch up on some shits of our life. You know the girl thing where we usually talk about a lot of stuff. Career. Finance. Friends. Family. Fashion, Hair and Beauty Department (but I don't think this is our forte and we give a big shit on this). Extracurricular Activities. And last, guys. Yes. It is included because it's a girl thing!

However, the point of the post is not about boys but about my realization of my stress. I always think of myself as the strong one. I don't take shits seriously but I rant about it after getting it done. Just to let the raging emotions get out of the cage.

I am doing these habits for a few weeks now and it was P who pointed out that these are not small stuffs anymore. That I am stressed as hell. I didn't believed her, not until this morning (3:20 AM to be exact).

Chums came at 3 am which really turned me into a monster who bolted out the flat to find a 24-hour grocery to buy pads. Slept at 6 am and only to wake up at 11:20 AM which was way too late and only to find out that I need to shift my bed from the lower deck to the upper deck from one side to the other side. And that I need to do it before I go to work because the new person will be moving today. The whole morning is really a shit for me.

Took a shower and prepare lunch and shifted all my stuff into the other side as fast as I could then ta-da..... I went mad and the stress finally got in my little brain. Here's my way to admit that my birth month was rock bottom hard for me. I can cry until my eyes puffed 10x bigger. I can keep on ranting about shit. I can keep on ignoring my issues. But I can't keep my mouth shut. That's the thing I know of.

Okay so I finally admitted that I am stressed. What now? I am not an expert of fighting stress but I wanna share this picture which is in the internet (credits to the owner I can't track who are you) which I find useful and which I do in order to not let the stress linger more.

 

 P.S. I know I can't use PMS and my shits as my reason to annoy people or hurt people. But trust me, those stuff was unintentional. I am sorry! I am crazy and shitty as a person too but I don't do shit all the way just to push people away.

Anyway, let's see after a week if I can follow my own advice and be less stressed than today. See you!

DESERT SAFARI

My birthday was already a week ago but I am still receiving birthday greetings, let alone another birthday present! Yes! Yesterday, a friend of mine asked me for a desert safari as a birthday present for me! Woooh! I couldn't be more happier since desert safari is a must in Dubai. I don't usually follow the everyone's flow, but at least let me try it. No one know when can I get another chance right?

My friend booked it with Happy Tours (online) but I haven't asked how much it is. They picked us up in Spinney's - Burjuman via a coaster ride. We picked others in Lulu Hypermarket in Al Barsha as well. The trip from Al Barsha to the Desert is roughly another 30-45 minutes. I couldn't figure out the exact location of the camp but I saw (from the signs) that it is near Al Awir. The camp says it is 'Marjan Tourism'.

Sunset X Sands

We had Dune Bashing from the main road to the camp. I heard from others that the drivers were good and it was smooth. When I heard that, I thought you will get the feeling of a sailing ship. The feeling of stomachs churning from the adventure and from the sway of the vehicle. But since every company differs from one another, I must say that my experience is really different from their stories. The Dune Bashing was kinda rough than I expected. The glide of the SUV into the sand was hard. There's a point where I thought we had an accident and I thought the windshield broke.

In the camp, there are lots of stuff you can do. Like a free camel ride.

How about camel for a pet for my next birthday wish list? Sounds a great idea!

You can ask their photographer to take a photo of you then you can buy the picture for 50 AED.

And a pose with the falcon.

He dug his claws in my head. Can't you see it hurts?

And a free henna tattoo. I wanted to have one ever since I arrived here in Dubai. There are lots of artists who can do it in the salon but I wouldn't pay for it (as of writing - maybe some day I will lol).

Henna artist from Lahore, Pakistan

And  'sand boarding'. I am not sure if I am just fat or if the spot is not the 'good spot' to try sand boarding. I am sure I am not that fat but I cannot do it properly!!!!

Do we look like we're fat? Not at all right?

There's a free shisha in one side and you can try the local dresses (which I forgot to do!) and some more stuff. Water is free but you can have other drinks. They also have alcohols and not just some alcohols but even beers from Philippines! They have Red Horse for 30 AED/can. Yes that's how expensive beer here in Dubai.

There are performers during dinner. There's the 'Tanura Show',  Fire dancing (that's what we call them in the Philippines and a Belly Dance. The dinner is buffet as well with options of salads, hummus, grilled meats, bread, biryani and a noodle dish which I don't know what it is called.

After dinner, they call it a day and they will bring you back to the coasters to bring you back in reality.

HENERAL LUNA: THE HYPE AND THE SUCCESS

Historical film about the Philippine - American War? No one is interested about that! Surely, the director got some balls to risk it. But it's a bloody success! At least for me. And that's a break from all the typical love stories and films about mistresses (for goodness' sake - another post is coming up about this). So this is a change in our movie industry.

So what's the film?
Heneral Luna is an indie film from Jerrold Tarog which was released last September 9, 2015. It is a Filipino historic biopic film portraying Gen. Antonio Luna during the Philippine - American War.

I saw the trailer and it is interesting enough. But of course, I am slightly disappointed since it will not be released here in Dubai. Well, they showed it once. In the Philippine Consulate!!! Can you imagine that? So okay, the first thing that comes to my mind is to download it through torrent or to watch it online since there are no pirated DVD's here.

Yes, I admit I download movies from torrent. There are times that we want to watch a film but it is not showing in the cinema anymore but it doesn't mean I wasn't supporting the film. Right or right?

Then I saw this picture....

I got mixed opinion about it.

I felt happy and proud. Filipinos never pay attention to history! One controversy from this film's hype is the reason why Apolinario Mabini was seated all throughout the movie. Some are asking and some are making fun of it that it was considered now as a controversy. It's not that teachers didn't mentioned about the case of Apolinario Mabini. It's not because all youth in the Philippines are just a bunch of shit. It's just that Filipinos aren't fond of HISTORY. Let alone the Philippine History! So hearing that the movie was a success and that the Filipinos are still booking their tickets to see the film, was an overwhelming news for me.

At the same time, I was disturbed of the picture itself. The picture says the whole expenses for this film is about Php70 Million. However, Wikipedia and the world wide web says it costs Php200 Million. I am sure that if I were to ask people to do something, I will get the facts straight first right? Because it is misleading. If I am not a fan of this hype, I can say that, if it's just Php70 Million then why are you still grumpy if your team already earned a lot from it? I can say that but I am not. We can't please everybody of what they say, but please, let's tell them the real figure.

And since I am guilty of using torrent, I am disturbed from the last line.

"For once, do this country a favor."

Yes, I can do a favor by not downloading it from torrent. I respect copyrights and all. And I think I understand the effort and expenses of an independent film.

But, I've got one question: What is the deepest why of this film? Is it to earn money alone? Or is it for us to see the message of the film?

I heard this one principle but I forgot who said it and whoever that person might be, I will quote:
"Don't let our goals be mixed up with money issues (lack thereof or targets) because if we do, the goal is not a goal anymore but a mere wishful margin of numbers." - Anonymous