What is this spiel anyway?
It's not you, it's me - is a plain way of saying I screwed up
in every angle that only I can see. Or there's more than that where words cannot explain itself. In order to save time and avoid the hassle of
explaining and arguing, they would put it as 'Sorry, it's not you, it's
me'.
I am writing this at 3:48 am.
Thinking.... and looking back, as to why I can't get through the 3 month dating
phase after I've been single for quite some time. Is it me or is it the other
person's lacking?
Some of them called me sick, paranoid, boring or a
difficult person to talk to... after my 3 months rule. One said, I became
boring because there is nothing new about me. There is nothing new to
discover because I only go to office and go home right away. One said I am
a difficult person to talk to because I became clingy (or needy) due to some
sort of attachment to them. One called me sick because in this phase (that
time), everything fell apart and I can't get a grip of myself. Whatever the
time period, whoever it was, in this phase, it's the make it or break it phase.
As time goes by, I learned that those words and labels might
be true. And as I evaluate myself, I would like to explain the root of all
these behavior of mine (from my own understanding):
1) Being clingy - Studies shown that a person, being clingy
or (let's say) needy came from being deprived of basic needs. I am not saying that I am deprived with my basic needs but let's just say that I am not satisfied with where am I. Unhealthy career, not having a
good time with friends because they are all busy, far from the family, and
sometimes, being a little bit deprived of satisfying my own needs. So when a
person enter the big picture and shows significant value, I slowly turn my
attention to that person. And since he serves as my key support network
and he can help me relieve my stress from work stuff, I do get attached in a way
that they don't like. So they jump into conclusions and bid farewell.
2) Boring - I agree with this (in one way). Even I
get bored with myself. However, I am not a boring person in general. I do a lot of
stuff back then and I have lots of hobbies and extra curricular activities too. I have
my own life that I don't even need a partner to make myself happy. But, here in
Dubai, I don't have enough time and resources to do my stuff. To the point that I
do overtime just to get paid extra money is the worse scenario that you can
imagine. So boring person, check.
3) Sick - I don't think I am sick as what you're thinking. Though I do admit that my stress management failed me a lot of time. Being
independent with a high amount of stress, where I feel that no one
understands me, made me numb to the vulnerability of this world. But life is
really a tough player, it is pushing me to my limits. I do
experienced breaking down once in a while. Then, surrender everything because I can't do
anything about it anymore. Or I would speak up and they would say I complain a
lot or I am not making any sense. So instead, I keep it in and just wait to
explode inside.
I am seeing one cool guy. He said he liked me and
that he understands my craziness. The three month rule of my
stupidity has passed and now I am wondering if we would have the same ending
like others...
What if it's just a colliding fate for the two of us?
