JOURNEY TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM: Investing Wisdom

A year ago, I wrote an article sharing the good news that I was able to eliminate all the debts that we incurred when my father died. However, it is not enough to be debt free. But, it shows a good sign! A sign that we already took the first step to be financially free.

And in order for us to move forward, we need to do some follow up steps. Please take note that I am not a financial advisor nor financially free yet. I just want to share with you the next few steps that I took for me to reach that freedom. And the next one is by INVESTING WISDOM.

Investing Wisdom means studying, educating and learning. No more sugarcoat needed. You have to study what you are about to do. You have to educate yourself with all the terms and procedures of the investment instruments you are about to take. You have to learn also that your life is about to change.

From my experience, since I love reading books, I started to read simple and practical books (I mean easy to understand) which will help me remove my 'poor mindset'. This poor mindset is an attitude of mine thinking that I won't be rich nor I can't afford that, etc. And in order for me to grow and truly be rich, I need to change that thinking first!

Take a look of the (some) books I have read which helped me a lot:

1) My Maid Invests in the Stock Market - Bo Sanchez
"In this inspiring yet highly practical book, you’ll read the fascinating story of how he helped three of his house helpers invest in the stock market and build their retirement fund. He’ll tell you how he taught them the 5-envelope system. He’ll explain how he painted a clear vision of their future in their minds. In this book, you’ll learn his “4 Rules to Making Millions Thru the Stock Market”. - Goodreads

For free copy of this book (available as e-book) click here!

2) Rich Dad Poor Dad - Robert Kiyosaki
"Robert developed (and shared) his unique economic perspective from two very different influences - his two fathers. One father (Robert's real father) was a highly educated man but fiscally poor. The other father was the father of Robert's best friend - that Dad was an eighth-grade drop-out who became a self-made multi-millionaire. The lifelong monetary problems experienced by his poor dad pounded home the counterpoint communicated by his rich dad. Taking that message to heart, Kiyosaki was able to retire at 47." - Goodreads

3) 8 Secrets of the Truly Rich - Bo Sanchez
"The book is a manual on how to create material wealth and gain spiritual abundance at the same time. It hopes to raise a new breed of millionaires who are simple, loving and generous." - Goodreads

4) Ang Pera na Hindi Bitin - Eduardo O. Roberto Jr
"If you need a guide on how to best manage your money, get this easy-to-read and practical book for yourself and your family—even your friends who are struggling or always borrowing money!" - Goodreads

5) Stock Smarts: Stock Investing Made Easy - Marvin Germo
"The heart of Stock Smarts is to break it down to its simplest form and inspire employees, professionals and business people to participate and make money in the market.This book is to encourage every Filipino to profit from stocks and forge their way to financial freedom." - Goodreads

There are more books about wealth and financial literacy. But for most of you who doesn't like books that much, try with these simple books or try listening to podcasts/tutorial available in the Internet.

Do you have any other suggestions? Feel free to share it with me at the comment section! :)

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

In the Philippines, you will meet a lot of couples parting ways with different kind of dilemmas. But one thing is for sure, you will meet 1 out of 10 couples (or maybe more, I am not sure because I haven't took a survey) where they would give the 'it's not you, it's me' reason.

What is this spiel anyway?

It's not you, it's me - is a plain way of saying I screwed up in every angle that only I can see. Or there's more than that where words cannot explain itself. In order to save time and avoid the hassle of explaining and arguing, they would put it as 'Sorry, it's not you, it's me'. 

I am writing this at 3:48 am. Thinking.... and looking back, as to why I can't get through the 3 month dating phase after I've been single for quite some time. Is it me or is it the other person's lacking? 

Some of them called me sick, paranoid, boring or a difficult person to talk to... after my 3 months rule. One said, I became boring because there is nothing new about me. There is nothing new to discover because I only go to office and go home right away. One said I am a difficult person to talk to because I became clingy (or needy) due to some sort of attachment to them. One called me sick because in this phase (that time), everything fell apart and I can't get a grip of myself. Whatever the time period, whoever it was, in this phase, it's the make it or break it phase. 

As time goes by, I learned that those words and labels might be true. And as I evaluate myself, I would like to explain the root of all these behavior of mine (from my own understanding): 

1) Being clingy - Studies shown that a person, being clingy or (let's say) needy came from being deprived of basic needs. I am not saying that I am deprived with my basic needs but let's just say that I am not satisfied with where am I. Unhealthy career, not having a good time with friends because they are all busy, far from the family, and sometimes, being a little bit deprived of satisfying my own needs. So when a person enter the big picture and shows significant value, I slowly turn my attention to that person. And since he serves as my key support network and he can help me relieve my stress from work stuff, I do get attached in a way that they don't like. So they jump into conclusions and bid farewell.

2) Boring - I agree with this (in one way). Even I get bored with myself. However, I am not a boring person in general. I do a lot of stuff back then and I have lots of hobbies and extra curricular activities too. I have my own life that I don't even need a partner to make myself happy. But, here in Dubai, I don't have enough time and resources to do my stuff. To the point that I do overtime just to get paid extra money is the worse scenario that you can imagine. So boring person, check. 

3) Sick - I don't think I am sick as what you're thinking. Though I do admit that my stress management failed me a lot of time. Being independent with a high amount of stress, where I feel that no one understands me, made me numb to the vulnerability of this world. But life is really a tough player, it is pushing me to my limits. I do experienced breaking down once in a while. Then, surrender everything because I can't do anything about it anymore. Or I would speak up and they would say I complain a lot or I am not making any sense. So instead, I keep it in and just wait to explode inside.

So why am I writing this? 

I am seeing one cool guy. He said he liked me and that he understands my craziness. The three month rule of my stupidity has passed and now I am wondering if we would have the same ending like others...

What if it's just a colliding fate for the two of us?

JOURNEY TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM: DEBT-FREE LIFE

Financial freedom is a milestone in life that almost everyone of us wants. I've met a lot of people from different walks of life, who works really hard just to achieve this. But the question is how do we achieve this? What is the easiest way to get it right? What is the first step?
I am not an expert on this and I am following a lot of advice from different mentors and advisers whom I trust but I cannot disagree on the fact that the first way to move forward is to eliminate debt.

Most people would say that debt is unavoidable. That is true. My family and I accumulated lots of debt when my dad passed away. But after 8 months (from the day of accumulating it and until the day of the last payment), I am happy to say that we are debt-free! Yehey!

From what I learned, these are the habits that I've formed to eliminate debt:
1) Small debts are unavoidable. But if I can, I usually try to settle it within 3 days.
2) If the need of money is not matter between life and death, I don't borrow money. 
3) Whenever I received my salary, I set aside a bigger amount for the payment of debt than my remittance to my mom (Communication is the key as well!). We have to sacrifice first so that we can finish it as early as we can.
4) I don't consider accumulating more. :)

Sure, there are lots of ways to avoid it and eliminate it. But these habits helped me a lot even though it is really hard to survive especially with my current salary. But no pain, no gain.

THE POWER OF NO

Companies, big or small, lay off employees in Dubai these past few months. However, our company is the complete opposite of this scenario. They are hiring more staff instead. Guaranteed that there will be enough workforce in our department, I planned a 10-day leave on May to commemorate the first year death anniversary of my dad. The operations manager said she accepted my request but I should wait for the new employees. She said I should ask the admin manager too before I book the ticket.

Today, I saw our admin manager (which is very rare) so I asked her if I can request for the leave form. The conversations are as follows:
Admin: You are requesting for a leave?
Me: Yes but it's for May.
Admin: You can't take a leave.
Me: Why not?
Admin: Because you just took a leave.
Me: That's last year. It was an emergency leave. 14 days. I haven't fully consumed any annual leave.
Admin: No. I don't think you can take your leave.
Me: Uhhh....
Admin: *walks away*

At first, I felt bad. I am mad. I want to scream it out. She did not even ask me as to why am I requesting it. She didn't even ask how long will it be. She never opened her heart to fully comprehend the situation yet she closed it with such a harsh answer. A NO.

In reality, it's getting on my nerves. But I can't let that happen especially this week which is already rough and stressful. So I called my best friend, the Gift of the Gap. Okay, I will try to put my situation in her shoes. Maybe it's not a good timing and she's thinking of other stuff related to our company which is more important than my leave. Maybe she's having a bad day and that's just her initial reaction. Maybe she's just kidding. Maybe.... The list is endless.
 

Two letter word. NO.
Powerful. Deep. And simple.

It's a simple word. It's very easy to comprehend. But why is that we cannot use it properly? People are using it for the wrong ideas with its essence being trashed.

When it comes to our loved ones, we always say no to their small favors very easily. Our thinking is that, they will understand me because they know me. But when it comes to other people, we cannot say no because we want to be "in" or we want to portray a different version of ourselves since they don't know us yet. Sounds familiar? The examples of wrong usage are endless. Our norm (and stupidity) of saying 'no' is infinite. The ideology of how it is being used is so wrong that we cannot notice its impact. Why?

We have to be reminded that we have choices. These choices are the answers to the things that we can't control...

Yes.
Yes to commitments, to dreams, to achieving goals, to success of everyone, to love, to adventure, to "YOLO", to the life ahead of us.

Maybe.
Maybe we can do something. Maybe there's another way. Maybe we can check it first. Maybe it's not the right time. Maybe there's something better.

No.
No to the things and words that hurts you, me, and other people.
No to the ideas that kills the passion, integrity, and principles of this society.
No to the toxic people and relationships that hold us back to realize that we deserve better.
No to everything that is not helping us to be a better person.
No to the wrong ways of this world.

We have a choice of what to use.
And that simple choice can change something... maybe someone's life or someone's way of living. Who knows? One day you will realize, that maybe it's time to change YOU.

MY OWN SHADES OF GREY

Whenever the word grey is brought up to the table, it's either the color or Fifty Shades of Grey. But some can comprehend that it's a different kind of thing. A thing that either makes your life miserable or makes your life confused.

What is a Grey Area? According to Wiktionary, it is a topic that is not clearly one thing or the other, that is open to interpretation. In some articles pertaining to relationships, the grey areas is where the two persons kept the other one at bay.

But the world with grey areas are not only for relationships. In the past, I kept some people at bay too. But I kept all stuff in there too. Career opportunities, friendships, family, spirituality, emotional growth, anxiety, depression. From my main prioritize in life up to how I feel about myself. I put it there. I hide it.  

It's 2016. I don't want to hide it anymore. It's time for me to overcome these stuff, one by one. Let's start with one issue that I have (or I still have)...

I am having difficulty sleeping at home (still on going yes it's been 8 months now) because of bed bugs and we all know that not sleeping properly may lead to some effects. Every article in the internet says, if you lack sleep, you intend to eat more and thus it will make you gain weight. I know that's true because I gained weight whenever I pull an all night-er session during high school days or college days.

Nowadays, I am stressed for a fact that I am not gaining weight. I am not sure if it's because of lack of sleep or maybe out of depression or maybe because of metabolism details, but I am dropping sizes.

This week was hell again. The longest time that I can sleep without waking up (or bed bugs bites) is 3 hours. The rest will be an hour and an hour and an hour. During the day, I still eat properly. I try not to worry. But over a week, I've dropped a size again. My basis is my uniform because it just fits so perfect. I would know if I gain weight or lose weight if I felt the difference. Yesterday, it was loose. I was like, maybe I am just sexy today (*pun intended) but today, it is way more loose again. Like literally loose.

My friends back in the Philippines were shocked as to how thin I was before leaving on 2014. They said I am so thin. And I know that I lose more. And friends call me the skinny one now.

As you can see, this is all new to me. You might say that I should not stress myself for a change that only happened for just a week or you can scold me and say just move out. But I know for a fact that I really lost weight for over two years. If I will weigh myself, the numbers might say I'm underweight.

No, eating more to gain weight is not as easy as it sounds. I've eaten more than my weight can imagine. So it makes me worry more. Anxiety over weight is one thing of my grey areas and there's so much more.....

NEW YEAR, NEW ME, NEW GOALS

Happy New Year! 

It's the time of the year where everything is fresh and new! Last year might not be one of the best years of my life, but it's over. It's already in the past. So right now, I should focus on planning and claiming to be waaaay moreee HAPPY this year! And for me to maximize my time here in Dubai (Inshallah), I've decided to come up with a list of my own goals (SMART goals).

These smart goals, once achieved and accomplished, will have it's own post here in my blog. And so here it is and let me try my best to fulfill these goals before the year ends!

Travel, Sports & Adventure - UAE
Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque
Global Village
Walking Tour - Old Dubai
Arsekal Avenue
Ferrari World
Ski Dubai
Jebel Jais
Yas Waterworld Abu Dhabi
Iceland Waterpark
Motiongate Dubai (still under construction)
Oman Musandam
Practice ice skating in Dubai Ice Rink (Dubai Mall) and in Hyatt Regency
Try paddle board around Burj Al Arab
Attend one Yacht Party

Travel - outside UAE 
Hike one mountain/volcano
Visit one town outside Luzon
Travel to one Asian Country
Try Couchsurfing as a GUEST

Road to Financial Freedom
Be debt free
Create a solid emergency fund
Help our small convenience store in the Philippines to grow bigger
Buy 1 22k carat gold as an investment
Buy the gold arrow ring or a necklace with the arrow pendant
Open an account in mutual funds 

Personal Growth
Land in my dream job/company
Learn how to do make up professionally
Learn how to wear good heels

How about you? What are some of your goals for this year? Let me know and maybe I can add it to my list! Good luck to everyone!

MISCOMMUNICATION KILLS: LIFELONG LESSON FROM AIR FRANCE FLIGHT 447

After today's work, I always save time to read anything interesting or something that will be useful in the future. Tonight, it happened that I read the case of Air France Flight 447, which happens to be the most deadliest accident in the history of Air France. According to Wikipedia, this accident is also the Airbus A330's second and deadliest accident, and its first in commercial passenger service.

picture from Google Search

Just a brief summary:

"Following resolution of an earlier incident with a faulty Pitot tube that lasted a few minutes, the pilot-in-command left to take a rest leaving control in the hands of the copilots. When the two copilots were operating the Airbus, it was not clear which one of the two was in charge of the plane, nor did the copilots communicate with each other about who was in control of the plane." - Reference: Crew Resource Management (Wikipedia)

When I first read that phrase, I was like... WHAT THE FUCK? Are they idiots? That is so stupid of them! Then after a few minutes, I shift the rage into a few minutes of reflection. Then I realized that miscommunication is not just a small matter.

Miscommunication is deadly. It kills friendship, relationship, marriages, healthy environment in workplace, and people (literally).

There are lots of definitions of miscommunication out there. But to simplify, miscommunication happens because one fails to talk and one fails to listen. And this leads to confusion. One person will get confused of what is his role, responsibilities, duties and the things expected from him. And since he failed to talk (which is to ask) or to listen, human error happens out of miscommunication. 

I believe that talking and listening are not the hardest part of the situation. It is the insensitivity to the situation. Always. Not many of us can recognize and be sensitive on what's happening. Some says that's stupidity, but I call it natural. Not everybody is gifted about that.

You don't need a certificate to be a great speaker or the best listener to save failing relationships or work environment or home. One should cultivate the art of sensitivity. Not the sensitive type where you are fussy about everything. But the type of sensitivity where you put yourself in one's shoes. In that way, you will get a glimpse or an idea of the bigger picture. Then talking and listening will not be difficult anymore.

Anything can be saved and fixed .... by talking and listening.

YOU JUST DON'T WRITE WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT: YOU BLEED

It's been ages since I was active writing stuff under the sun. I was too consumed with a lot of things and sometimes I think there's nothing important to write about. Although there are times as well wherein I feel like I wanted to write everything.

Writing, is not an obligation to me. It's more of, an exercise of the mind and my freedom. I feel like to write whenever I had a bad day. Or when I am upset. Or when I am sad. I write because of my emotions raging. Not just because I am not busy.

However, I must use the excuse that I am busy this month (at least in my opinion). I have to focus more at work so that I can reach the targets as early as possible. And I have to focus on a lot of problems at work which is made by yours truly as well.

It is the end of the month and almost the end of the year. Things kept on happening which surprises me. And people still come and go. And there are some persons who suddenly came back out of nowhere. That's when I bleed the most.

I bleed and yearn for a big heart. That after so much sadness, I hope I can still love them as my friends, colleagues or whoever they may be. I yearn for a big heart that after so much hurt, I hope I can still accept them without any fear and anger in my heart.


After all of these, it's gonna be a new year and I am looking forward for a brand new start.

LATERS, BABY

I went to office today, log in into my system and whatever accounts I am using, then I saw this one post from Candy Magazine entitled "To My Ex-Someone - Mikay". I forced myself not to open it but I can't help it so I read it. Phrases goes like these and I quote:

"Because one day, everything just disappeared. No more "Hi." No more calls and messages. No more you. I tried to make contact, but all efforts were futile. Hundreds of messages were sent but no reply even to a single one. Bombarding your phone with calls just because I wanted to reach you became my new hobby. I just wanted to talk to you, I just wanted to ask why. I just wanted a goodbye."

"I know I shouldn't feel this way. Because from the start I knew what we were and what were not. I was happy with you, and now I'm incomplete. I got used to having you. And the sad truth is I should get used to you not being around anymore. Having no closure hurts a lot, but having regrets hurt even more."

 The letter felt sad. But it's true. This happens every day and it can happen to every people for whatever reason they have. And I think I am doing the same thing as well. Maybe we both decided to stop sending texts. Or maybe he was the first one to stop sending text and I gave up of waiting for his text as well? Or maybe I just decided I will not respond to any of his text (in case he send one) for now? I don't know. That's the perks of no closure or misunderstanding right?

I would like to apologize to the person whom I really admire the most. To the person I really liked to be with. To the person whom I felt connected to. To the person who inspire me in small things and through your view of the world. To the person who made me feel that ghost hugs matter (and that it is sweet). To the person I like from a different time zone, Mr. Lad from the Land Down Under.

I am sorry because I can't handle my personal issues right now. I am sorry that there are lots of days and nights where instead of talking about normal stuff, it would turn out (me) ranting of all my crap. I am sorry that I vent all my insecurities and worries and fears to you. I am sorry that my version of being crazy became a negative crazy me just because I can't get a grip of myself out of my own despair. I'm sorry that I need to leave.

Just in case that you are reading this, I hope that one day, we'll meet again. I hope that you'll miss me like I will miss you. I want you to know that I will get a hard time of trying to stop liking you. And I want you to know, if only you can be by my side while trying to help myself, I might be the happiest girl on earth alive.

I will just wander, roam around and let you enjoy life. We might cross one's path may it be as friends or may it be more, I will be happy to see you when that time arrive. 

So for now, not a goodbye, just "Laters, Baby."

SNIPPET OF AN OVER-THINKER'S MOMENT

I know I am a certified over-thinker. I think too much. When I am feeling down, I saw this as my weakest point of my personality, and when I am not feeling down, I just laugh at it.
 There are days, that I will read posts about traits of over thinkers, and here's one phrase that I liked. 

"We can’t let things go easily. We’re convinced that if we run over the details of a few more times, it will somehow change the outcome and we will uncover some new understanding of the situation." - 14 Things Only Over Thinkers Will Understand  

To give you an idea, I would like to share something about what happened just a few hours ago.

I was talking to Mr. Lad from the Land Down Under about his perception about himself (non-verbatim). I said trust me you're like this. And he said, trust you? You saw me and was that a request of something? I snap out all of a sudden because I was being honest and his question (about request of something) was a little out of the conversation and inappropriate for me. It is inappropriate because I am talking about my feelings! Can you believe it? I am being vulnerable my goodness! This is scary! Okay back to the topic.....

Anyway, so we exchanged lines and lines to smooth it out and he's telling me that it is just a joke. I am sorry that I didn't took it as a joke but I was hurt. I told him what I felt and said sorry. He said sorry too. But I can't forget the line: "Rochelle, it's just a joke".

The over thinker side of me was alive and kicking from the moment he said he gotta go. In my mind, I am trying to balance it with work concerns and his concern. I was thinking of what he's thinking. And here's a few thought I am thinking right now:

1) Shit. He might get turned off of me because I can't take a joke.
2) Maybe he will reach his limit when it comes to dealing with my shit! We just had a small dilemma yesterday and we ended up bad again today.
3) Will he talk to me tomorrow?
4) Is he mad? Upset?
5) It's my fault of not taking the joke right?
6) But I have my right to feel anything too right?  Like being hurt?
7) I cannot undo this stupidity anymore.
8) Is it possible that he doesn't like me anymore?
9) Are we going to talk about it some other time? Or are we just going to shrug it off?
10) Do all of these stuff sounds as DRAMA? Oh no. NO WAY! I AM DOOMED. IT'S THE END!!!!!!!!!!

*cries*
No I am not crying right now (fyi) but maybe later. Lol!

So, yeah, that's one hell of example of the thoughts of an over thinker. I am not sure if others feel the same way, but the last time I checked, others think like that as well. I cannot say I am proud to be one, but I can say that that trait makes me a unique person (purely in my opinion).

PMS, STRESS AND EVERYTHING NICE

After some months, my friend P and I got the chance to catch up on some shits of our life. You know the girl thing where we usually talk about a lot of stuff. Career. Finance. Friends. Family. Fashion, Hair and Beauty Department (but I don't think this is our forte and we give a big shit on this). Extracurricular Activities. And last, guys. Yes. It is included because it's a girl thing!

However, the point of the post is not about boys but about my realization of my stress. I always think of myself as the strong one. I don't take shits seriously but I rant about it after getting it done. Just to let the raging emotions get out of the cage.

I am doing these habits for a few weeks now and it was P who pointed out that these are not small stuffs anymore. That I am stressed as hell. I didn't believed her, not until this morning (3:20 AM to be exact).

Chums came at 3 am which really turned me into a monster who bolted out the flat to find a 24-hour grocery to buy pads. Slept at 6 am and only to wake up at 11:20 AM which was way too late and only to find out that I need to shift my bed from the lower deck to the upper deck from one side to the other side. And that I need to do it before I go to work because the new person will be moving today. The whole morning is really a shit for me.

Took a shower and prepare lunch and shifted all my stuff into the other side as fast as I could then ta-da..... I went mad and the stress finally got in my little brain. Here's my way to admit that my birth month was rock bottom hard for me. I can cry until my eyes puffed 10x bigger. I can keep on ranting about shit. I can keep on ignoring my issues. But I can't keep my mouth shut. That's the thing I know of.

Okay so I finally admitted that I am stressed. What now? I am not an expert of fighting stress but I wanna share this picture which is in the internet (credits to the owner I can't track who are you) which I find useful and which I do in order to not let the stress linger more.

 

 P.S. I know I can't use PMS and my shits as my reason to annoy people or hurt people. But trust me, those stuff was unintentional. I am sorry! I am crazy and shitty as a person too but I don't do shit all the way just to push people away.

Anyway, let's see after a week if I can follow my own advice and be less stressed than today. See you!

LITTLE OFFICE AROUND THE CORNER

I was told I will be transferred to Deira office last week but after a few days, the memo was put on hold due to some considerations I believe. Though I am not sure of the agenda of the considerations. Is it because of my performance? Or are they just waiting for the new employees so that they can set all the new office assignments?

Anyway, as of today, I am well adjusted to my new humble office here in Karama (except for a fact that this office doesn't have a water dispenser so I missed drinking coffee). So yes, good news! I am still in Karama and I don't need to take metro or bus unlike if I will be transferred to Deira. Though I hoped for a new environment, but I am still grateful for what I received in return.

I would like to share my few observations (this small office offers a good spot if you like watching people as a hobby which I do enjoy the most) and reflections for the past two days:

1) There's a lot of salons in this building (that's a fact) and the competition for them is really really high. For them to get customers, there are people downstairs giving flyers for their salons. And when I say they are giving flyers, it is the intense way of giving flyers I can say. That's their sole job, to give flyers. I have lots of thoughts about these people (good, bad, sad, etc.) and I am thinking of another post to be written specifically for them.

2) For the past few days, I complain a lot about my work and my salary but there are lots of people working in this building with worse conditions than mine. I just realized I forgot to be more grateful, more humble and more compassionate. And this office makes me remember those things all over again.

3) This small office receives fewer inquiries and that means I have to work my ass harder and wiser. I got scared sometimes that I might not hit the targets daily. So during the first two days, I tried my best to convince myself  that I will hit the target plus working my ass off and yes, I am hitting the targets (exceeding the margin even!). I just noticed that I am slowly coming back to my positive self and I am loving it!

With my pa-bebe look at the new office. ☺

Wish me good vibes and please always include me in your prayers. Have a great week!

P.S. I got SATURDAYS OFF as per the memo! I AM SO HAPPY! I hope they will not make any changes. I am looking forward to get a lot of chance to go out of Karama during these Saturdays off. See you around!

RUNNING SHOES FOR A START

A few days back, I wrote one post about my birthday wish list. I got the idea of a wish list from Pinay Flying High (Hi!! Avid fan here!) and yes, it’s my first time to write one. I thought that having a wish list is just a pure fantasy or just a wishful thinking. But someone granted one of my wish list! Maybe it’s just a coincidence or that person love me so much?

I have two feelings:
GUILTY. I am not the materialistic type of person. I don’t ask for gifts nor expect any gift during my birthdays. I was always reminded that the act of giving is more than the act of receiving. So I felt that receiving gifts (especially the granted ones) is one thing I don’t deserve.

And of course, HAPPY. My birthday is still 18 days away but I already receive a present! I am not expecting any at all. The highlight of my birthday is just to go to Aquaventure. That’s it. BUT SOMEONE GAVE A GIFT!

A friend granted the first on the list. A pair of running shoes. It’s not Merrell but it’s more than I can wish for! Nike Flyknit Airmax as I saw in the internet. I don’t care about the name (just curious) because I really don't understand why they have names but I so like it! Light, colorful, and it came as a package! Yes. With a tank top and sports pants! How can I not like it?

Happy Birthday (way advance) for me! Let’s have a happy month-long celebration for me!

WALLS: STANDING TALL AND STRONG

I just finished reading 'The Heir' last night. I can't make a good review out of it since I don't have much time to do so. However, to make a summary out of it, I can say that I am torn between loving it and hating it.

Eadlyn Schreave is bratty and selfish. She knows what she wants in life. She's a total bitch and a pain in the ass of the Selected guys. The book is not the best of the series but what kept me going is her point of view in life. She knows what she wants, yes. A true queen on her own.

But what made me love her is that she's confused as ever when it comes to her feelings. (Smart girls tend to be dumb when it comes to her rationale about relationships. I think Science can prove that.)
She's keeping people at bay but she knows she's thirsty for some affection. She knows she's powerful but she's afraid that these guys will hurt her and became powerless once they get to open her heart.

Eadlyn and I has something in common. And it is to guard our heart. Not to let our defenses down. Not yet..

I saw in one article and I quote:

"What happens if  we've been neglected when we our little? Did your parents use to leave you alone frequently when you were little?  Or maybe they were there physically, but emotionally unavailable, always too stressed by their own issues? When coming from a neglectful family, as adults, we may have the tendency to cling to our friends, afraid that they will leave us. The opposite can happen too: deep down inside, we "know" that the persons w need most in our life will abandon us or the relationships we cherish the most will end at some point - which makes us terrified of letting our guard down and letting others in." 

I used to believe this is true for myself. That this happens to those who grew up with neglectful parents, until I read The Heir. I didn't envisioned America and Maxon neglected Eadlyn when she's still a child but I can see that she's afraid like hell when Ahren left her for Camille.

I realized that there might be more reasons as to why people don't let their guard down. Everyone have their own reasons. We can't blame people for doing so. You can't blame me either.

BIRTHDAY WISHLIST

A friend asked me for a Birthday Wish List yesterday. I cannot come up with an answer on that moment. I know I have things in my mind that I really like but I can't wish it just like that because it costs a fortune! You know like a Canon 600D or GoPro4 or a laptop. Right? Right?

So instead of putting those in my wish list, I came up with the easier stuff. This list serves as a motivation for me actually. And I am not expecting anyone to grant these because who's crazy to do that? :P

1) Running Shoes - It's been one year since I've been dreaming about one pair of running shoes from Merrell (any color will do but you know me and I love the color Red). And, as of today, I registered for the Color Run Dubai 2015 on November and I should train as early as I can because I don't run that much and this fun run will be a challenge to me. Hahaha. I am not kidding with this fun run! 

2) Make Up (Set) - I don't do make-ups! I only know how to put lipstick on. And mind you, everybody is already complaining to this fact. Yes I look pale. And I will try to study putting it on. And because I only have 12 months left to prepare (to apply for the next dream job - and that includes putting on make up), there's no better time to start having these on my birthday!  

3) Bath and Body Works (Warm Vanilla) - This is the easiest one. My favorite scent! I ran out of these and haven't been able to go to the nearest mall to grab it. Hahahaha. 

3) Instax Mini 8 (I prefer two colors only: Blue or Black) - Since I am a sucker for rare but sweet photographs, I am a sucker of this! I wanted photographs that I can (physically) keep.

Other than saving money for my travel fund and for other stuff, this post will remind me of these stuff (that I need and want). Hopefully, I can have these at the end of this year. Wish me luck! :) 

¡FELIZ ANIVERSARIO!

Today marks the exact date of my first flight of my life. Since I've never flown out of Luzon, let alone a flight going out of the country, I can never forget the first flight of my life which is via Philippine Airlines, Flight PR 2658 bound to Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

As I look back, I cannot imagine how big the change was. I cannot fathom all the things happened in my life, may it be positive.. and negative. I am a total different stranger from the person I used to know, a year ago.

Let me share some of the highlights of my journey:

CAREER 

I am working in a small company with strict compliance of rules and policies (well every company does). But my friends are telling me that I am working with the Mafia (as to Dubai Standards'). I have one day off and that is Tuesdays alone for the whole year. No holidays. No sick leave. (Though they granted me an emergency leave last May).

Some of you may ask, did I regret working with them? Do I hate them? No. Because....

I did had an opportunity to work in that field. Working in a travel agency gave me an opportunity to see the world in a way that no flight was done, yet. I am grateful to gain an access in Amadeus (and learned it by heart, as well as be trained in their office), Galileo, and TACentre. I learned a lot about airline rules, ticket rules, visa restrictions, labor laws, destinations management/familiarity, and many more.

I can go on and count all the negative things about my company, but the list of  the positive things that I learned in this job is a treasure. No one can take away the values and work abilities that I learned. One example is working under high pressure while trying to reach sales quota...daily. Every day, it is back to zero.Another thing is maintaining my patience and being calm whenever a passenger is too stupid/boastful/rude/ungrateful of their requests, favors and question. 

SOCIAL LIFE
Social life. Hard. Especially when your day involves on waking up, taking a bath, going to office, go home and sleep. I find it difficult to make friends outside my 'work' life. So I made my way to get to know other people and to build friendship. Of course, not everyone is meant to stay in your life. And I am not perfect and I know that I screwed up a lot of times. To those whom I hurt (unintentionally or just out of stupidity), I am really sorry. To those who stayed and motivated me to become a better, wiser and stronger person, thank you so much! I love you to the bones!

Couchsurfing. I used this site two years ago but I didn't took it seriously. This year, I tried it with all my heart and I tried to be active as much as possible. I gained friends that I cannot imagine I will gain in a short period of time. I am so happy to meet the members I surfed with, the travelers who visited Dubai, to those who hosted me (in different ways) and to my new set of friends. 

Iftar, Ramadan 2015 

Thursday Night in Barasti

First friend in CS, Wonsik from South Korea 

Rupok from BG, Sam from AU, Me, Vianca and Fredo from PH

With Yani from PH and Felix from DE

With Yuta from JP, Jeff from PH and Angel from ES

Love life. Well, this is not my priority in life. I am pretty happy being single. I can't handle myself properly, let alone taking another human being as my responsibility. Unfortunately, for the past 12 months, I met two guys whom I liked, cool and funny to be with, independent, etc. But sad to say, they just broke my heart in some ways. Take note, they weren't my boyfriend. I REPEAT: THEY WEREN'T MY BOYFRIEND. THEY AREN'T MINE. Okay? Clear? Si?

Bottom line: Thanks for the experience. You were such a good person in your own ways. I've known myself better through you, I've learned something, and I grow. But I think I am better without you. See you around. :')

P.S. I am satisfied with my current crush (okay teenager feels!) *winks winks*. 

FAMILY
A year ago, I left our small humble home full of dreams and hopes for my mom and dad. Growing up in a not so blessed (in terms of finance, but I am so grateful that I was able to finish my college degree) family motivates me to pursue my dreams and my dreams for them. But it seems to me that life is really pushing me to my limit. I can say that life is pretty unfair. Just after 8 months since I left, my dad passed away. He left. He left me. He's gone.....

I would like to say that everything is okay. That I can still go on like what am I before. But I would be lying when I say that. A part of me has died. A part of me was gone.

When I am at work, I was like in an ON mode.. Back in the normal days and doing my best in work.
But when I'm not, I turn into my OFF mode. Nursing myself with sadness or eating or crying. There are people who's very good at coping with loss, and I can say that I am. Daddy's girl eh, you know?

~

It's been a rough and a bumpy ride for me. 

I grew and learned a lot that I will treasure forever.

My faith was stronger. God revealed Himself to me once more that His love and kindness reigns over my failures, mistakes, and sins.  

And I become wiser and bolder. Let's talk about the version 2.0.

The world is ahead of me... and I am taking the challenge. Bring it on for Round 2!

MEETING YOU IS AN ACCIDENT AND YOU BECAME MY CHOICE

I think this week was a weird week like a roller coaster ride. And why is that if you may ask? I met Mr. Lad from the Land Down Under! Dubai is the final leg of his vacation and on Thursday morning, he went back to his home country.

He arrived last Monday morning which is the first day of the week that I didn't had enough sleep. I was so focused or worried about our plan to go to Oman Musandam. If I will not be able to borrow my passport, we cannot go.

After getting through the day of worrying, they let me borrow my passport for a day. But I think the universe would like to make a scene that's why the tour got cancelled because of the bad weather (waves of the sea, etc.) as per the tour operator. This pissed me off literally...big time! But of course, I cannot do anything about it. So I have to shrug it off. We had dinner and we had interesting conversation about everything.

We started my day off seizing the day by sleeping. Well I think he did, but I had these clients who doesn't understand the word 'DAY OFF'. Like it's the only day in a week that I got! I am already working six days a week times 11 hours in a day. I am begging! But they didn't understand it anyway. Instead of throwing tantrums, I took naps and naps and naps as much as I can get.

We had lunch in Max's (a Filipino Restaurant) and we talked about the stocks and investments all throughout. This is a surprise to me and to him (I guess).

A good time in the pool in the rooftop was the thing we did after some walking. The view from the rooftop was really relaxing, let alone the dip in the pool. I got the chance to hear some stories that I know he can never tell to just any girl. I felt fortunate, and felt sad at the same time to hear the biscuit story. I will never look at biscuits the same way again.

Since it is Tuesday, we went to the weekly meet-up in Crowne Plaza then to the after party which is in The Rodeo Drive. The night didn't end up as a great party since I had a breakdown due to personal issues, but I am so thankful that he's there. I felt sorry that I wasn't able to tell him the issue that I saw coming but his care was enough.

At The Rodeo Drive with friends

Wednesday. The last full day of his trip which is the final leg of his vacation. I got mixed emotions since I have to work 'til late at night but I am happy for him because he was able to do his one must-accomplished thing to do in Dubai, snowboarding in Ski Dubai.

The last dinner. The highlight of his trip for me. This is the night that I told him to look for the note that I wrote for him. So when I asked him to look for it, he already knew where it was and he just pulled it out. I found out that he went for a visit during the day to look for it. I asked him to write a note for me. And that's him, so focused and serious. He told me to come and read it when he left. *dug dug dug dug* 

At KimChikin

The last night of his stay in Dubai includes him taking pictures of me. I want him to delete it because I look so wasted and silly but he said he doesn't want to because he liked it. And because he know I can sing a little, he asked me to sing, for him. The favorite song that I do know very well is I'd Rather - Jasmine Trias. Good thing he doesn't know the song. But I think the message of the song is okay and suits the moment. 

We watched and talked about some movie clips with movie soundtracks then we reached the point of playing 'Falling Slowly' from the movie 'Once'. I was so surprised that he know this movie. We both love the song! I was singing the song like whispering it to his ear while my feet is on his feet (like when you dance slowly). I felt that was one of the sweetest moment of his stay. It was so simple yet very memorable to me. 

Last Morning in Dubai 

He checked out the next morning and he asked me to go to airport (I think he did?). Good thing is that I am wearing jeans (or at least casual) because I was planning to wear shorts only for me to go home directly.

At the airport, he checked-in his luggage already and the tension is there for me. He didn't went in first and he decided to stay for a few more minutes. I cannot picture out what is he thinking at that moment. I regret that I wasn't able to say all the stuff that I want to tell him personally, like telling him directly in his face that I like him. As to what written in my note, I will confess my feelings before he leave Dubai.

And this is it. It is now or never. But... it is his time to go in. Damn!
I cannot remember if he said he's going in or I pushed him to go in. I didn't care anymore if we're in a Muslim country. I let him kiss me on the cheeks and hug him tight that I don't want him to let go. But I know that if I stay for another minute, I know I will not be able to let go. So I think I pushed him away.

I hate saying goodbye, as well as dropping someone off especially in airports. He's walking towards the counter and I am wishing (I have to use this word) that he will not look back. I think it will be easier if he will not look back. But he did. Oh no. He kept looking back at me til' he passed that counter for him to cross the immigration.

He stood there, waving his hands as a formal goodbye. I don't want to stare long cos' I'm afraid that sadness might crawl into my skin. I think it was me who turn my back first. And when I did, I realized one thing. It is not that I am not confident about myself. It is that I am afraid that you will just be a 'too good to be true' guy for me. That the happiness you brought is just until here. No part 2, part 3, part 4. Like a holiday romance.

And I don't want that to happen. I am too scared.

CONFESSION PART: (Since I am too afraid to tell it in your face...)
I like you as I like my cup of instant coffee everyday, sweet and always there for me. It keeps me awake and you awakened the mushy part of me. I know I say it often that I don't like it much but knowing you makes me think of mushy things with you.

I like how you open yourself to me.
I like how you accept my silliness... and how you accept me for saying I am crazy.
I like how you find my silly pictures good.
I like the sound of your voice. It's like a lullaby from my noisy and chaotic world.

I like you because it feels like you're the other crazy half of me.
I like you because you are YOU.
The warmth, the connection, the sweetness, the real you.

I like everything about you that it makes me realized that you're not just 'some guy'. You're the guy.

I once read in a book (Anna and the French Kiss) that:
"For the two of us, home isn't a place. It is a person. And we are finally home."

And you felt home to me....

I like you and I want to be there for your side as your friend. Or more than that, if you will chose me.