MY OWN SHADES OF GREY

Whenever the word grey is brought up to the table, it's either the color or Fifty Shades of Grey. But some can comprehend that it's a different kind of thing. A thing that either makes your life miserable or makes your life confused.

What is a Grey Area? According to Wiktionary, it is a topic that is not clearly one thing or the other, that is open to interpretation. In some articles pertaining to relationships, the grey areas is where the two persons kept the other one at bay.

But the world with grey areas are not only for relationships. In the past, I kept some people at bay too. But I kept all stuff in there too. Career opportunities, friendships, family, spirituality, emotional growth, anxiety, depression. From my main prioritize in life up to how I feel about myself. I put it there. I hide it.  


It's 2016. I don't want to hide it anymore. It's time for me to overcome these stuff, one by one. Let's start with one issue that I have (or I still have)...

I am having difficulty sleeping at home (still on going yes it's been 8 months now) because of bed bugs and we all know that not sleeping properly may lead to some effects. Every article in the internet says, if you lack sleep, you intend to eat more and thus it will make you gain weight. I know that's true because I gained weight whenever I pull an all night-er session during high school days or college days.

Nowadays, I am stressed for a fact that I am not gaining weight. I am not sure if it's because of lack of sleep or maybe out of depression or maybe because of metabolism details, but I am dropping sizes.

This week was hell again. The longest time that I can sleep without waking up (or bed bugs bites) is 3 hours. The rest will be an hour and an hour and an hour. During the day, I still eat properly. I try not to worry. But over a week, I've dropped a size again. My basis is my uniform because it just fits so perfect. I would know if I gain weight or lose weight if I felt the difference. Yesterday, it was loose. I was like, maybe I am just sexy today (*pun intended) but today, it is way more loose again. Like literally loose.

My friends back in the Philippines were shocked as to how thin I was before leaving on 2014. They said I am so thin. And I know that I lose more. And friends call me the skinny one now.


As you can see, this is all new to me. You might say that I should not stress myself for a change that only happened for just a week or you can scold me and say just move out. But I know for a fact that I really lost weight for over two years. If I will weigh myself, the numbers might say I'm underweight.

No, eating more to gain weight is not as easy as it sounds. I've eaten more than my weight can imagine. So it makes me worry more. Anxiety over weight is one thing of my grey areas and there's so much more.....

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